Close friends, a painful loss, facing our grief and looking to God
By Dean Collins
“I think we can all agree that losing him has made the world an emptier place. This loss is so hard.”
The text came this week just a couple of hours after I had read Job 19 as a part of my daily Bible-reading plan. The person who texted wrote a group of us, friends for many years, all grieving the loss of another friend, a kind and loving man who was a Bible scholar and church historian. Everyone in this circle is brilliant; all of these fellows have fancy degrees.
We all tried to encourage one another as we confessed our struggle with grief. Everyone in the text group has presided over many funerals and graveside services. We know all of the official answers that pastors give at times like these. And we are always called upon to be the pastor, the counselor, the support for friends and family at times of loss. I weighed in with the fewest words. I believe I was somewhat constrained by my reading of Job and watching Job’s friends fail miserably as comforters. All of us know that presence is often the best comforter. Words sometimes seem weak.
‘I know that my Redeemer lives’
As I read Job 19, I remembered my last conversation with my friend, about 18 hours before he died. My friend did not quote Job in our conversation. In between his gasps for air and when his agitation would settle for a minute or two, he expressed the hope he had in the resurrection. He also quoted words of comfort from another mutual friend who died of brain cancer years earlier. My dying friend was encouraging me.
I am struck by this line from Job: “Oh that my words were written! Oh that they were inscribed in a book!” Turns out they were written. And we have all read them. Job’s next line was, “For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, Whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another.”
My friend’s faith in Jesus and in the resurrection, like Job’s faith in God, is also inspiring. But even with great and true inspiration, the grief of loss is hard to endure. Five of us all tried to handle that grief in our texts with each other for a few minutes this morning. I suspect all would say this helped. And all will say the loss still hurts in surprising ways. One day it won’t, but that is not today.
All mixed together
In 2 Corinthians (also included in my Bible reading today), Paul tells us we are to comfort one another just as God comforts us in times of suffering. Paul didn’t mention grief in particular, but he didn’t need to repeat what he wrote about the resurrection in his first letter to the Corinthians. My guess is we don’t always need to repeat ourselves with all the right words when we comfort each other, either. But what we must do is practice presence, and offer prayers both quietly and with those who suffer. And as my friends and I have learned, we need to admit our own grief and suffering to each other.
God somehow takes our sadness, our faith, our hope, our confidence in the resurrection, our silence, and our honesty and uses them all mixed together. And as the Holy Spirit works, he draws us to the community of friends who love Jesus and allows us to comfort one another as we have been comforted.
Lord, make us aware today of someone we can pray for. Prompt us when we are simply to be present or when a text, an email, a card, or a call might be helpful. Thank you for the beautiful community of the church you have placed us in. We long for you to come, Lord Jesus. Amen.
Your time with God’s Word
Job 19:20-27; 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 ESV
Photo by Gilles Lambert on Unsplash
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